Hold On 'Till May
by VivaLaTrench
Summary: Based off the song Hold On 'Till May - Pierce The Veil. Josh Ramsay has always had a thing for his best friends little sister. When he finds her crying in a tree, he tells her how he feels .Marianas Trench. (there will be two parts)


My best friend's little sister. Isn't that just a fancy way of saying "_off-limits_"? I'd think so. And that was the reason I just watched her from a distance. Of course I'd talked to her before – it's hard not to talk to someone when you're at their house so much. Her name was Joie. It would feel like an understatement to say that I liked her.

I was nineteen. She was sixteen. There's another reason nothing should have ever happened. Yet that night I couldn't help but miss her. Often times she seemed to disappear from the house – or at least when I was there. She'd skip dinner and magically show up in the house again later on.

Matt said she never left the house when I asked him. It seemed bizarre, that he didn't notice his sister disappearing so often. I would bring up her absence when eating dinner with their family, and they'd all just shrug.

Her disappearances worried me. I had done the same thing when I was addicted to drugs. I didn't want her to go through with that. She was just so…_innocent. _The shortest person you'd ever see (besides midgets), wavy brown hair with her matching brown eyes…She was so skinny I worried a gust of wind would blow her right over. A little girl like that could get herself wrapped up in some shit.

I went up to her room later that night. Matt had passed out on the couch and I was left alone watching a movie I didn't even want to watch.

I knocked twice on her door. When there was no answered, I pushed my way inside.

Her room was a mess – clothes everywhere, posters hung on the walls making it look even messier, her blankets were in a ball at the end of her bed, old pop and energy drink bottles laying all over the place, The window was fully open, letting in rays of light from the setting sun. I smiled. It looked like it would be her room, but she wasn't in here.

I was about to leave when I heard a little noise from outside the window. I looked out to see Joie, sitting up high in the tree just outside her window. I could tell from here she was crying, for she was letting out little sobs.

"Joie?" I stuck my head out the window.

She looked down slowly, holding her hair out of the way. "Josh? What are you doing?"

"I was looking for you…what are you doing up there?" She didn't answer me, but I could see her face fall. "Come down."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"For me?"

She sighed. "Fine." I smiled as she climbed her way down the tree, and I helped pulled her back into her room.

I kept my arms around her waist even when her feet were firmly planted on the ground. She kept her arms around my neck, her head in my shoulder. "Why don't they see me, Josh?" She said, a slight quiver in her voice. Like she was crying.

"What?" I didn't want to push her away, but I did, so I could see her face. I got down on my knees so we were closer to the same height – now she was a few inches taller than me rather than me being a foot+ taller than her. "Who doesn't see you?"

"My parents. Even Matt sometimes. I was up in that tree for hours and _you _came looking for me." She wrapped her arms around my neck again. I hugged her waist and tried my very best not to rest my head on her cleavage.

"That's not true." I said quietly, but as I said it I realized it was. That's where she always disappeared to. And she'd come back when it was dark, if no one had found her.

"Yes, it is. They never notice. Ever…why am I even telling you this!?" She sobbed, but held me even tighter. "You're just going to run to my brother and tell him all about it and he's going to be so mad!" She cried.

I rubbed her back. "No, I'm not Joie. I'm not going to tell your brother unless I'm worried you're going to hurt yourself. And unless you fall out of that tree you're not."

She gave a shaky laugh. "Well, maybe they'd pay attention to me."

"Joie…" I started slowly. I didn't want her to take this the wrong way. I stood up – forcing her to release me – and walked over to her bed. I found a place for me to sit, and patted the spot beside it. When she sat down, she rested her head on my shoulder. "What makes you say your parents are neglecting you?"

She shrugged. "It's like they can't hear me sometimes. They've forgotten to pick me up before, or even feed me sometimes when my brother is out…"

"Why do they seem so good to Matt…but then do that to you?"

She scoffed. "Because he's talented. He can play sports and sing and play a bunch of instruments. I'm just the illiterate retard. Why would they want me over Matt?"

"Now that's not true." I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed. "You're beautiful, and funny, and I've heard you play piano, you're good."

"Not as good as Matt."

"You could be if you practiced."

She fell silent. Only the sound of her breathing and sighing every once in a while.

God, if I knew the way she felt I would have been there more…I couldn't help but blame myself. What if I had made an effort to get to know her? Found a way to make her feel like she was _worth _something? We could have been there for each other and neither of us would have ended up where we did.

"Do you want something to eat?" I asked Joie. She hadn't been at dinner after all.

"I'm not hungry." She said flatly.

"Water?"

"Sure." She sighed.

I got up to leave the room. She let herself fall into the dent where I had been sitting, not bothering to sit up straight on her own. "Josh?"

"Yeah?" I turned from the door.

"Thanks."

It was nice that he was trying to help me, but he was just making everything worse. That boy I had spent years watching from the other room, wishing he'd talk to me in more than a small talk yeah-you're-my-friends-sister way. But he never would. He was Matt's best friend, why would he go for me.

So of course, the second he closed the door behind him, I jumped up. I knew what to do. Everything had become automatic after the first few times.

I walked to my closet, stretched up on my toes and patted along the top shelf until my fingers came in contact with a small, cold, metal object. I sat on the floor and twisted the razor in my fingers, trying to think of where to cut today. My arms had hurt climbing the tree, so maybe give them a break…

I undid the button of my jeans and shuffled them down so they were at around my knees. I had to get this done before Josh came back…

One cut.

Two cuts.

Three cuts. I forgot about Josh.

Four cuts. I forgot why I was cutting.

Five cuts. Nothing hurt.

Six cuts. Where were those footsteps coming from?

Seven.

Eight.

"If I were you, I'd put that away." My head snapped up at the sound of Josh's voice. He closed the door behind him and set the glass of water on my desk.

"If you were me you'd do the same." I said quietly, my voice breaking as my eyes filled with tears.

Josh sat down in front of me, his legs crossed. I kicked off my pants and mimicked his position. It's not like it mattered if I wasn't wearing pants around Josh. He didn't want me.

And then Josh surprised me. He held out his wrist to me and pointed to a few select spots. Little scars you'd never see if you weren't looking. "I didn't cut there much. My parents would have noticed."

"I…had no idea…" A tear dripped off my cheek and landed on Josh's wrist.

He sighed and whipped my cheeks dry. "You can't dwell on the past, Joie." He told me, leaving his hand on my face.

"My parents neglecting me isn't past." I said flatly, trying to ignore Josh's hand.

"So find a better future."

I scoffed. "Like?"

He fell silent. His hand dropped from my face and he moved to trace his finger over one of my bloody cuts. I watched as he drew a heart on the inside of my thigh in blood.

I barely heard what he said next. "…me?"

"What?"

He looked up, his hand still on my thigh. He was getting it covered in blood. "Me. Why can't I be your future?"

"Like…wait what?"

"I'm sick of lusting after you. I finally grow a pair and you're confused!?"

"I'm just…" I couldn't finish, he kissed me. Hard. His tongue already in my mouth. I closed my eyes quickly and kissed him back. His hand cupped my face again, and I didn't even care that now there would be blood on my face.

He laid me down on my back, not even bothering to move to the bed. I didn't argue. I reached down and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, yanking on it until he got the hint and broke away from me quickly to tug it off and throw it over with my jeans.

"Josh…" I moaned into his mouth when he came back.

"Shhh, baby. Don't wake up Matt." He whispered, so close that his lips brushed against mine. I moaned quietly in response.

He pulled off my shirt next. When he broke away to yank it over my head, he just came back hotter. Cupping my breast and rubbing over the top of my bra. He lightly squeezed my boob, I moaned and rolled my hips up into him.

"Eger?" Josh teased me. He ducked down and started sucking and biting at my neck. He reached around me and unclasped my bra as he did. When he threw that to the side, he moved to suck and bite at my nipple.

"Josh…" I moaned again, tangling my fingers into his hair and tugging.

He sat up suddenly and started working on the button of his pants. "You a virgin?" He asked me, popping the button free.

"Uh…yeah…" I said, feeling a bit self-conscious. And a bit bad for the fact that I could now see Josh and his jeans were covered in blood.

"Get on the bed." I listened to him. Stopping to wiggle out of my panties before climbing on and sorting my blankets enough that I could burry under them.

Josh joined me under the covers, settling between my legs and kissing me again. I ran my hands down his chest.

My breath caught when I felt a series of long, little bumps near his hip bones. "Shh." He cooed. Before I could say anything.

Josh moved one of his hands from where he had had it beside my head, propping himself up. He trailed it down my body - pausing to fondle my nipple – until he slowly traced a finger over my clit. My breath caught and my eyes shot open.

His head ducked down to kiss my neck again. He moved his fingers over me more, massaging me in a way that was making me want to scream for more. Instead I just quietly moaned his name again.

"You want more?" He teased.

"Please." I moaned. I reached up and grabbed his shoulders as he moved his fingers over me expertly.

It never once occurred to me that I was giving up my virginity. It didn't seem like a big deal anymore…probably because it was Josh.

He slipped two fingers into my opening and I gasped, digging my nails into his shoulders. "You like that?" He whispered into my neck seductively.

I just moaned again.

I just gave in to the ecstasy of Josh's fingers inside of me, stroking my wet walls, moving in and out of me, I wanted to stay here forever.

He pulled his fingers out of me suddenly and shifted. I looked up to see him lining himself up with my opening.

"This might hurt a little." He whispered before kissing me and slowly easing his member into me. I gasped and leaned my head on his shoulder, letting out a little whimper. "I'm sorry." Josh whispered before pulling half way out again, and thrusting back in to me. The pain was replaced with an ecstasy better than before. I moaned his name again.

He continued with his slow pace for a while. Kissing me, then my neck, fondling my breasts or running his hand over my thigh.

I bucked my hips into him, biting back a scream. Josh moaned himself and started speeding up, still keeping a steady rhythm. He took his mouth off mine, breathing heavily. He placed his hand on my lower back and started pulling me up with him, speeding up even more.

"Oh my god…" I moaned, already starting to feel my orgasm building up in my stomach. "Faster…" I breathed. Josh listened.

I bit my lip to keep from screaming as I felt myself climax. Josh kissed me and started going even faster, until he came too.

He pulled out of me and collapsed onto the best beside me, breathing heavily.

"…wow." I breathed.

"Yeah. Wow." Josh laughed. He rolled over and pulled me to him. "Will you stop cutting, Joie? For me?"

"Yes…" I said slowly. I meant it. I would try.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." I answered again.

"Matt's gonna kill me."


End file.
